UnrealisticExpectations 3.0

I’m a contractor in the work force.

Mostly, that means that, while I’m “technically” someone’s full time employee, I’m really just a hired-hand. A body to drop in, do a job required of someone with certain levels of experience and I get paid by the hour to do so.

For me, right now, it’s a fair and open market.

I’ve been treading the waters going through all of this–it’s been a bit rough to be honest. A first contract went belly-up 2.5 weeks into the process. The second contract–which I’m currently working–was sold to me several times over as a 6 month gig.

I’ve got an email trail to prove it.

Day number one of the contract I found out it was for 6 weeks.

Enter pissed-off Russ.

For the past 6 weeks, I’ve been furiously treading the waters looking for the next contract or full time job, and I’ve been busy. Contracts pop-up and I get contacted by several firms–it’s not exactly a bad problem, but I’m starting to remember just WHY I haven’t been a contractor for so long.

To cut to the chase here, my existing contract was extended until 9/8. I was told that an extension until the end of September was in the works (I really love this gig, btw), but was never provided any solid confirmation as to whether or not it was locked down.

Wednesday last week, I accepted another contract for 3-6 months, with an opportunity to go full time at a pretty senior level. If I’m not a total tool, I could pretty easily get hired on and probably enjoy it.

The instant my notice went out, everyone from the firm I report to, to the firm I’m subcontracting through to the company that we’re doing the work for all came down on me.

As if I’m doing something to them–even though no one provided me with any concrete proof and even though I got screwed on the way in the door.

So, now, I feel very much like I am to blame for all of this, even though the true facts are that 1.5 weeks notice of a contract extension when you are an independent contractor is not much–it’s not much notice leave a contract, but at the same time, it’s also the last day I was aware of being able to work and collect payment for, even if my name was assigned to some dates.

I feel guilty. I’m somewhat riddled with it. I’m actually somewhat sick about it.

I had an opportunity for a full time job with the client, but I sense that they think I should be chasing them down for it. From my perspective, chasing them down for the job is hand-in-hand with negotiating yourself right out of a fair salary. Additionally, I have had a fear that they would want to hire me to do this: |–| when I am capable of this: |———-| and I really want to make sure I don’t get pigeon-holed.

I know they’re happy with my work, and I’ve been told, “give us a call in 6 months” but who can really do that?

At the end of the day, this is an unfortunate scenario that I feel has been out of my control. Yet, I feel that even though I was pretty royally screwed on the way into this, I am expected to do whatever I can to make it right for everyone else–even if it means sacrificing a paycheck for my family.

I don’t see it that way. Does anyone else?

I told myself that I was going to bed by now, but it just didn’t happen–instead, I saw some of the headlines on Google News about Steve Irwin’s death. I’d already heard of this, in a half stupor this morning as I was still shaking the sleep out of my head, and I didn’t think much of it.

Irwin, however, was the Michael Jordan of his game. Sure, people criticize and say he took risks, etc. etc. etc.

It gets old, but it’s also true.

He’s 8 years older than me and he’s leaving behind his wife and 2 young children. I’d say the only positive is that they’ve got mountains of video so that they can get to understand, appreciate the type of person their father was. Hopefully there will be a lot of reality in the outtakes, too.

But I thought to myself that the risks we often take don’t even include the potential harm they could cause to people who are most important in our lives.

I mean, you’re driving and someone cuts you off. You yell. You flip them off. You ride their ass and honk your horn.

They get out at the stop light and drag you out of your car and beat you to death.

Hrmm. Should have thought that through better, right?

Sure, it’s somewhat unlikely, but so was Irwin running into danger when he was a hard core professional in his field, well-respected and well-loved.

Anyway, I don’t feel much like prattling on about the subject except to say that I don’t think I could put myself into his role–hell, I don’t even want to take jobs with excessive travel so I won’t have to be away from my family OR have to leave the sole burden of parenting on my wife, but even so, at the end of it all, I just feel for the loss that is on his family.

I wish them well. I feel for them. I cannot imagine the pain they feel, and can only begin to imagine the pain I would feel without my own family.

Be safe and well.