UnrealisticExpectations 3.0

Well, if the both of you that remembered to check-in for the last update around mid-month, you saw what was going on and that I had a pretty good bead on a 6 month contract. And I did.

And I took it.

Good times–the first day started out pretty good, seemed I was doing all right, well-regarded without even really being known, toting around my own laptop instead of having a company one, but still, fitting in and making some progress.

Then, at lunch, I mentioned my 6 month contract, and the person I was having lunch with mentioned that the contract for the entire company wasn’t that long.

F me.

I shot off an email really quickly asking for an update and I received a telephone call whilst in the middle of a pretty important meeting.

We’re sorry, Russ, your contract is only 6 WEEKS. We’re not sure where you got this information.

Whoa.

Except that I forwarded the exact email with the information. And I kept my burning, seething rage under control as I explained that this really put some undue stress upon my family–I had just turned down an interview the previous week for a full time, permanent position that would enable me to do cool things like telecommute a couple of times a week, pay me fair, offer me good benefits, etc. all because I was under the reasonable assumption that I had a 6 month contract–because I HAD ASKED 300 F-ING TIMES.

Nice.

Quality.

Lies.

So, in essence, what we’ve learned is that by being honest, straight-forward and having integrity, you get stabbed in the back and lied to, but if you’re smart enough to get that “Quit without giving 2 weeks notice and we’ll fine you $3000″ clause removed, you suddenly hold all the cards.

For about 4.5 more weeks.

Sigh.

I’ve assured everyone that I will do my job–but that I cannot commit to being available 100% full time M-F during business hours because if an interview arises, I’m going to it, and it’s not up for debate or negotiable.

Mighty ballsy of me. Borderline arrogant, if the situation wasn’t as it is.

To be fair, the company that I am sub-contracting through is being cool–they’ve been trying to bring me in for a full-time interview, but it seems to me that 90% of their employees travel 90% of the time, and I do not want to do that. I kind of dig my family, dig my home, dig my neighborhood–and that’s the rub, right? I mean, if I love all that stuff so much, I really shouldn’t be the type of person who sits back and tries to be picky–but at the same time, how do I go off and leave for weeks at a time and leave all the family responsiblity on my wife? I just don’t think I want to do that, don’t think I should do that–eh, I just don’t want to do and that’s that. Not much of an option–and hopefully there’s enough time to make sure that’s an option I do not have to consider. If I play my cards right, do my job well (which I do believe I am doing very well at this point), then there’s a chance I could also get hired by the company we’re doing the work for.

But, who really knows?

Makes life interesting.

I’d settle for boring so I could really just focus on finishing the basement (which now has all the walls done, 75% of the conduit run, all the plumbing done and is almost ready for drywall).

Giddy up.

Okay, so let’s start with a funny. Alan just set me this…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reQ_Laq2O2o&search=human%20space%20invaders

Now, let’s start with me. I wish I didn’t have to; this is the type of stuff you just cannot believe happens to you. In glorious technicolor.

I left a job a few weeks ago. A full time job that made me very, very miserable to the point that… I almost thought something was wrong with me. I had an opportunity arise that was a work-from-home situation for a few months–enough time to find the right next thing, enough time to get it all figured out.

I took the gig, did a little travel to the office of the company and back and work and back to the office and back. My reviews came in great–they loved me, my work and I was truly “getting it” and all was well. Hell, the contract might even get extended, even though I didn’t think it would go quite as long as they suspected.

No problem.

Except that the company decided to take a tank job on itself–or at least they told me that. Whether or not it’s actual, I’m sure I’ll never know because they’re in Springfield, MO and I’m in Chicago, IL, but even so, it wasn’t a fun thing to have my life turned upside down and then I’m living with my auntie and uncle in Bel Aire.

But not until I switch my flights, pay an upcharge of $115 to get out, hurry back to the hotel, pack, get checked-out, get to the airport and get through security with just about 45 minutes to spare.

Except that the security guard was nice enough to stop me from clearing security–hell, from even entering security.

“You’re flight was just cancelled.”

“Shit.”

Back to the ol’ United counter for me, while on the phone with home sharing not only the bad news, but the worse news of not making it home tonight. Good times… especially with the thought that I’d have to secure another hotel room and then try and get on a flight the next morning…as long as it wasn’t cancelled, as well.

“You’re not going to believe this…” came the announcement from the lady at the counter who just stood up on said counter.

Yeah, she was right. There’s no way this day could get any better, so just let me have already, lady.

“…Your flight’s back on and it’s tentatively set for 9.30p.”

Wow. Holy crap. I could not believe it and while other people were busy with their pissing and moaning, I was busy heading back to security, getting through and copping a squat at a relatively private desk-like area with so I could have some privacy for the next few hours as I IMd to and from home, Troy and anyone else that’d listen to my story.

Until around 11.30p when the flight finally took off. Which naturally landed me home around 1.30a, but it was fine. I was home and I got to see everyone the next morning. Even if I was unemployed… Funny thing, even when I feel like a loser, Sydney still feels like I’m “Daddy” and that’s a name badge that’s much better than any of the negative ones I can give myself.

As luck would have it, it’s been less than a week since that happened that I’ve found something else. I had a couple of interesting nibbles out there that I kept a little alive–and I’m back to something full time as of next week. I cannot complain too much… and the phone keeps ringing, so I think I’m out of the dangerous area of having to dip into savings. Instead, I get to go back to work on a contract with a big big name and a really big client, too–all the while, I’m being considered as a full time employee at the big big name contract place as they have that need, as well. Working out really well, I suppose.

But you know, I’m just getting tired. I want to be through all these mounds of paperwork and negotiations–there’s a clause in my contract right now that says that if I quit without giving 2 weeks notice, they’ll fine me $3000 and I have to agree to it–which I don’t, and won’t. So it’s back and forth–they will not give me any sort of recourse if they let me go early or if the contract doesn’t last the full 6 months, so it seems a little lopsided.

Like I said, I want to be done. Even though there’s a lot of demand and a lot of interesting work out there, at the end of it all, I just want to be happy, happy, happy and home for dinner.

Is that so damned wrong?

I’ve made some interesting changes the last few weeks–I’m currently doing some interesting work and although it requires some travel that I’m not fond of (out of town from Tuesday - Friday is not my idea of fun, ultimately), most of the rest of it is “work from home” and that makes for an interesting summer.

Beyond that, however, there has been some renewed interest in Russ from “other” companies and after the stint that I just made an exit from, I can say it’s nice to have some confidence back.

That said, talking about work-stuff makes for a boring-ass blog. Unfortunately, the gallery program is sorta fucked right now, so I cannot post up a nice family photo–also a boring-ass blog topic, but still something I’m fond of, so we all deal.

Well, except to say that Skype is kick-ass, as is WebEx when you’re using it for conference calls…although it’s got to seem odd for people to watch me and know that my office window is open and the sounds of unincorporated suburbia waft on in…

That’s not saying much; it’s almost like being out in a country subdivision here. Then again, maybe that is kind of nice.

And in the nerd department, I’ve got a lovely new laptop–and by new, I mean a Dell Refurb XPS M140 with the TrueBright screen thingy and it’s such a nice upgrade from the mega-laptop I bought several years back, which coincidentally is going up for sale on eBay to pay for the new (refurb) laptop. Factor in the Logitech MX5000 wireless desktop (everyone should have something Bluetooth, fwiw), which was based upon the pursuit of a MUCH quieter keyboard since my old Logitech keyboard would CLACK CLACKITY CLACK into the night, most likely annoying the hell out of Nicolle, along with the ricktey-rackety old-ass chair that I got pre-Sydney as a birthday present–which was also replaced. Oh, and an upgrade of a laptop webcam so I can Skype home and see my ladies.

It’s the little things in life, folks. My little things happen to be geeky, and I’m cool with that.

And tomorrow’s Tuesday. I’ve got to be up at 5a to get picked up by my limo at 5.30 so I can catch a 7.55 flight to glorious, lovely, Springfield, Missouri. First round’s on me!

And tomorrow’s Tuesday. The alleged day that our house builder is going to *REALLY* get their shit together and stand up to the name RC SOTO & SONS that I own on the internets. We’ll see. Frankly, I see us in court, but would much rather have my deck stairs, my leak fixed and all this other shit just taken care of, since I’ve got about 23 more years of my life to pay for it all and I don’t want to be pissed at these suckwads for the duration…

Of course, if I finish basement… Oh, nevermind. Have a good week.

I’m sitting here in my living room, watching some deal on A&E about the new Superman movie. I’d like to go see it–as in, right now–but I’m surrounded by my visiting family from Missouri and I’m not sure who would do what and all of that. Since it’s my mother, brother and niece, it’s a bit difficult to force anything on anyone, so I’m planning on going with the flow, trying to get some work done secretly along the way.

This is a holiday weekend. It’s a weekend of celebration and all of that good stuff, right?

Heh.

Well, it is, actually. We’re having fun. Sydney’s been getting better and better about hanging out and being social with everyone and that’s so cool. We’ve all really seemed to just be able to chill out without sweating it. No stress. No worries.

The day’s turning out to be… unknown. We’ve got this “Ribfest” thing in Naperville that’s about 10 miles away and pretty kick-ass from a food and bbq and music perspective, but the weather is sketchy at best. Sprinkles and then slight batches of sun and then sprinkles and all of that.

Sigh.

Well, at least we’ve got a boatload of Netflix and a video store within minutes away. There’s going to be *something* to do. I mean, we’re in the Chicago suburbs, dammit.

Right?

Right.

So, we’ll see. Part of this little post of mine is an exercise in “play on my new laptop”. I got a Dell XPS M140 that’s a “thin and light” model with the nifty “TruBrite” screen, or whatever it’s called. This little puppy is smaller than anything I’ve ever had, relatively light and just lots of fun for a nerd like me… I shouldn’t be allowed either out in public or on the Dell Outlet site, but at least it’s purchased during a time of neccesity–I’ve been working on a contract for a start-up company that has me traveling more than I was told upfront, and of course, I’m madly in love with that notion, especially since I discussed it upfront. Interesting times, but interesting, great things on the horizon. As is typical, I probably shouldn’t discuss much.

Anyway. Happy holiday weekend and such. Thanks for checking in for the most boring post ever.

And as a final aside… Tdawg (Troy) and his wife (Amber) swung by yesterday to see us and the house… You know, it’s a shame we’re not all living closer, but it’s great to get to see them. Troy and I keep up pretty regularly via IM and it’s as if we’ve not fell out of touch like happens to so many other people when they move away from … well where you’re used to having them.

Technology is cool.

It’s the night before travel and I always get a little edgy, so I’m updating with the tiniest thought of “This could be the last time” sort of ear-flicking me from behind.

I don’t really think that, but I do really kind of think that. Ya know?

Anyway, it’s time to ramble…

We headed off to Drew Baye’s wedding this weekend in Green Bay. Drew’s mom said we could almost be brothers–except that Drew’s brothers are ginormous weight lifting machines. Oh, and ones a dentist. Even so, check us out–can you tell it’s the first time we ever met in person?

(more…)

I’ve figured out things about me a long time ago that I just know and live with.

See, I’m a decent enough person. I care about other people, and I care about trying to do the right things. I work hard every day at striving to be a better person, but some things probably won’t ever change.

I’m the type of guy who has a lot of friends / acquaintances, but I don’t really have a lot of close friends. Best friends, even. Even growing up, it was kind of always the same, but it was okay. I was a little odd, different, nerdy–whatever you want to call it. I could have friends come and go and maybe there was a sense of loss, but at the end of it all if I had a good book to read, an Atari or computer or whatever else there was to occupy me, I didn’t really care.

I never got deeply into sports, and I fake it enough to like the Cubs these days. I read the news often, so I can keep up enough to be socially sportfully aware. I just don’t care. I don’t dislike sports, but they’re not important enough to me to memorize the stats of this player or that.

I’m easy to talk to, but at the same time, I can be difficult to carry conversations with; I’m inquisitive and I try to find common ground, but there’s always some simple barrier of lack-of-interest that makes it easy enough for me to be different enough to dissipate that common ground.

I’m cool with that, too. I used to dwell on it, suffer over it, etc. but life just keeps on moving and I find new things to get interested in and to learn and to make me more of who I am.

These things are me.

But something else has happened, too. Sydney came into the world a little over 2 and a half years ago and I did not know what to do. I wanted to be so madly in love with her that when I had to hold her all by myself for the first hour of her life and the deep feelings did not strike and the fireworks did not go off… Well, I wondered about who I am.

My foundation was rattled.

I cared. I deeply wanted to do the right things. I struggled.

And all I know is that now, some 2 and a half years later when I’m sitting alone in the dark on my deck with the outside speakers easing out The Fray’s “How To Save A Life” and just doing nothing other than enjoying the great weather, the view of my house from the outside looking in and the general “moment” of it all, I realize that even thinking about another person (Sydney) can cause me to get to the verge of tears.

In fact, any simple, touching family moment on television can bring tears to my eyes. I’m possibly the biggest wuss on the planet, but I’m fixated here.

Somehow, out of the blue, something snuck up on me and tackled me so hard that it left me stunned and not even knowing it had happened.

People have always come and gone, but I cannot live without this person in my life.

There has always been something for me to do, but I’d sacrifice anything for 5 minutes of me begging for one more kiss.

I’m a little odd, yet somehow there’s a tiny person who just does not give a shit and just wants to sit next to her daddy on the couch and stick her fork into his mashed potatoes and corn mix in the Banquet dinner that I eat for lunch and tell me just how good it is.

She even can have the last bite.

My favorite things mean so much to me that I want her to have them more than I want them. The first and last drink of a delicious beverage. The last few kernels of Garrett’s Cheese corn or Caramel corn from downtown Chicago while it’s still warm will always be hers to have.

Dammit, I cannot even type any of this without welling up. I’ve never thought myself capable of feeling this good, proud, and like a bawling little bitch all at the same time.

Someday, I’m sure she’s going to hit an awkard age. The age where daddy is now “Russ” or “You” or something far less pleasant. I’m sure that I’m going to become persona non grata for some term in her life and I’m sure that she’ll not be able to comprehend just how much she’ll break my heart until she can experience these same feelings for herself–when she has a child.

But, it’s okay.

My heart is definitely hers to break.

Those of you long-timers will remember Drew Baye. He’s getting married in about 2 weeks up by Green Bay, WI, and we’re going to make the trip. I’ve “known” Drew online since before I met Nicolle. We used to be on some Flash lists together and we started pinging each other as we were rocking the scene. It kind of kept going from there, and it’s really cool to get to meet someone for the first time…

At their wedding… lol.

Now that’s funny. Or something. It’s like an oddball online dating thing spanning a long, long time. Minus the sexual attraction, boobies or filthy talk.

It’ll be nice to see him and Emma and the little guy Luke. It’s been a long, long ride for Drew, but his life is finally getting all straightened out and to a really good point, and the guy deserves the breaks.

Go Drew!

My life is…

Well, I think that, from the outside looking in, probably a pretty damn good life. I’m fortunate to have a loving wife, adorable and healthy version 2.0 of a daughter, a good home with a good yard, solid friends, a nice MAME machine, a freezer full of meat and a bunch of other stuff.
(more…)

Funny? Nah. True? Sorta. Anyone care? Maybe just a little.

See, we’ve all got these little attachments and we all sort of check-in on each other from time to time, but the blogging world is so full of… public-icity or -osity or whatever it is that prevents a lot of us–including yours truly–from actually writing anything of substance.
(more…)

When Nicolle picked up Sydney from our babysitter’s house tonight, Sydney was chewing a piece of gum.

Our babysitter–doing the whole “I guess I’d better be a good babysitter (and she is a GREAT babysitter) thing”–told Sydney:

“Make sure you tell mommy when you’re done with your gum…”

Sydney, of course, smiled and said, “Okay!”.

Then, she proceeded to swallow it.

Whole.

One giant 2.5 year old gulp.
(more…)