UnrealisticExpectations 3.0

And my wife happens to be one of those things.

For more than the past year, she has spent half of her Sundays studying, and in the recent handful of months, it has been Thursday evenings and Sundays. Sure, no real gun club time for me, and lots of Daddy/Sydney time, but the import thing here is that after all of this effort…

We found out yesterday that she passed the wickedly-hard Certified Hand Therapist Exam!

I could not be more proud and excited for her. This is a major career milestone that places her, well from my lay perspective at the tippy top of where she could be at this point.

Very, very awesome!

Blogging time is so short these days–hell, I barely read anything anyone else is writing unless I can catch it on an RSS feed and read it while (ahem) in the restroom.

Life’s a pain that way, I suppose.

But, we did some cool things last week as a family–we went all the way to Florida, and thanks to my buddy Alec, stayed in a 2 sweet condos for a song, and then spent entirely too much time going to see All Things Disney(tm).

I grew up on the Six Flags parks, including Chicagoland’s Great America. I thought this was the coolest place on earth. For 37 years.

I told my wife that I was robbed.

And I actually think we’re becoming–if we’re not already–Disneyphiles or whatever the heck you want to call them.

I know we feel as if we should go get the Disney movies that Sydney’s not familiar with and let her see them and that, when our next daughter shows up sometime in February, we’ll want to choose the best time to return again.

Disney does a great job of cradle-to-grave consumer experience–and they’re trying to own the word “princess”; EVERYONE called Sydney princess, even when she wasn’t dressed as such, and given that I work in the field of, oh, User Experience, all of this was very, very interesting to me and made me want to work for them from a strategy and planning perspective almost as much, if not moreso, than I’d love to work for those clowns at Microsoft. That was a pretty true statement–a lot of people may find those folks at Microsoft evil, but the amount of money they spend trying to make things that all of us can use easily and understand, etc. is just enough to make me think they get it, and that makes me want to be a part of it.

Anyway.

1155 photos later…

That is, if you’ve got a long time to spend, there’s like 29 pages of photo thumbnails to go through. You know, in case you forgot what we all look like and stuff!

It’s been awhile since I’ve had something to say, well, that I wanted to say.

Since then, Alan’s visited and Wil’s decided to get another book out, which of course, has meant that I’ve been a busy lad!

Alan and I took in a Cubs game, and he went to the big Glavine win the next night. Me, I was the taxi, and it was damned cool that he got to take it all in. It’s pretty sweet when you can be there to help your friends get to be a part of things they love.

Which of course, is the same reason why we’re trying to get Monolith Press all back in action!

And of course, in between it all, we’ve been dealing with things like felled power lines and blown circuitries and many a thousand of dollars flying from our pockets like monkeys from my butt. For the past month we’ve had repair person after repair person, lost electronic objects from computers to phones to TVs to alarm clocks and everything in between get fried and need to be replaced.

AND I moved my office from the 2nd floor of our home to the basement corner that I specifically built for it–even though not all of the wiring is in place. It’s actually quite nice… I’ve got things I’ve never been able to find before in an “office” that I’ve had in our homes. You know, like focus. Peace and quiet. “Me” space. No one bugging me in my space… the other places were all either out in he open or they were just always meant to be something else.

Now… well, I built this little 10ish by 12ish space for me and I like it a lot. I’ve even got a walk out to a spacious patio and firepit. No real lighting out there yet, but Rome wasn’t build in a day.

AND…

We’re having another baby. Had to get my ass outta the spare bedroom in order to make room for the bambino.

Help me out and pray for a boy. I love my little girl, but I’m getting too old for this shit.

It’s a little late, but for Mother’s Day, we took Nicolle to the Morton Arboretum for a brunch and family photos. We became members, which was probably a great deal considering how much they offer for kids and considering how much it actually costs just to park and get in. Not to mention a couple of kids shows and concerts that we’ll get to see for much better prices this summer–in an outdoor, comfortable and fun setting.

Here’s my family, the most recent:

I dig my kid:

And I dig my wife and kid (my two girls, if you’re in to that sorta thing):

I’m pretty proud of my family; on photo paper, we at least appear to be pretty darn happy–and in reality, it takes a lot of courage for me to say this for fear of repercussions just for, well, saying it: We are pretty darn happy.

There, I said it.

I’m looking forward to the shortened work week and to Saturday–we’re taking Sydney to see “Ralph’s World” at the Chicago House of Blues; free Rice Krispies if you get there by 9a! We may enjoy this pretty city for a bit or we may just head back home on the train, but the day’s about the daughter and that’s almost never a bad day.

Then, in just a couple of weeks after that, we’re off to take Sydney to her first ever Cubs game! From the Bleachers! My daughter’s getting exposed to my sort-of-off sense of humor, a wide, wide variety of music (and dancing!) and the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. It’s the right way to start off her fun little life, methinks.

I told myself that I was going to bed by now, but it just didn’t happen–instead, I saw some of the headlines on Google News about Steve Irwin’s death. I’d already heard of this, in a half stupor this morning as I was still shaking the sleep out of my head, and I didn’t think much of it.

Irwin, however, was the Michael Jordan of his game. Sure, people criticize and say he took risks, etc. etc. etc.

It gets old, but it’s also true.

He’s 8 years older than me and he’s leaving behind his wife and 2 young children. I’d say the only positive is that they’ve got mountains of video so that they can get to understand, appreciate the type of person their father was. Hopefully there will be a lot of reality in the outtakes, too.

But I thought to myself that the risks we often take don’t even include the potential harm they could cause to people who are most important in our lives.

I mean, you’re driving and someone cuts you off. You yell. You flip them off. You ride their ass and honk your horn.

They get out at the stop light and drag you out of your car and beat you to death.

Hrmm. Should have thought that through better, right?

Sure, it’s somewhat unlikely, but so was Irwin running into danger when he was a hard core professional in his field, well-respected and well-loved.

Anyway, I don’t feel much like prattling on about the subject except to say that I don’t think I could put myself into his role–hell, I don’t even want to take jobs with excessive travel so I won’t have to be away from my family OR have to leave the sole burden of parenting on my wife, but even so, at the end of it all, I just feel for the loss that is on his family.

I wish them well. I feel for them. I cannot imagine the pain they feel, and can only begin to imagine the pain I would feel without my own family.

Be safe and well.

I’m sitting here in my living room, watching some deal on A&E about the new Superman movie. I’d like to go see it–as in, right now–but I’m surrounded by my visiting family from Missouri and I’m not sure who would do what and all of that. Since it’s my mother, brother and niece, it’s a bit difficult to force anything on anyone, so I’m planning on going with the flow, trying to get some work done secretly along the way.

This is a holiday weekend. It’s a weekend of celebration and all of that good stuff, right?

Heh.

Well, it is, actually. We’re having fun. Sydney’s been getting better and better about hanging out and being social with everyone and that’s so cool. We’ve all really seemed to just be able to chill out without sweating it. No stress. No worries.

The day’s turning out to be… unknown. We’ve got this “Ribfest” thing in Naperville that’s about 10 miles away and pretty kick-ass from a food and bbq and music perspective, but the weather is sketchy at best. Sprinkles and then slight batches of sun and then sprinkles and all of that.

Sigh.

Well, at least we’ve got a boatload of Netflix and a video store within minutes away. There’s going to be *something* to do. I mean, we’re in the Chicago suburbs, dammit.

Right?

Right.

So, we’ll see. Part of this little post of mine is an exercise in “play on my new laptop”. I got a Dell XPS M140 that’s a “thin and light” model with the nifty “TruBrite” screen, or whatever it’s called. This little puppy is smaller than anything I’ve ever had, relatively light and just lots of fun for a nerd like me… I shouldn’t be allowed either out in public or on the Dell Outlet site, but at least it’s purchased during a time of neccesity–I’ve been working on a contract for a start-up company that has me traveling more than I was told upfront, and of course, I’m madly in love with that notion, especially since I discussed it upfront. Interesting times, but interesting, great things on the horizon. As is typical, I probably shouldn’t discuss much.

Anyway. Happy holiday weekend and such. Thanks for checking in for the most boring post ever.

And as a final aside… Tdawg (Troy) and his wife (Amber) swung by yesterday to see us and the house… You know, it’s a shame we’re not all living closer, but it’s great to get to see them. Troy and I keep up pretty regularly via IM and it’s as if we’ve not fell out of touch like happens to so many other people when they move away from … well where you’re used to having them.

Technology is cool.

It’s the night before travel and I always get a little edgy, so I’m updating with the tiniest thought of “This could be the last time” sort of ear-flicking me from behind.

I don’t really think that, but I do really kind of think that. Ya know?

Anyway, it’s time to ramble…

We headed off to Drew Baye’s wedding this weekend in Green Bay. Drew’s mom said we could almost be brothers–except that Drew’s brothers are ginormous weight lifting machines. Oh, and ones a dentist. Even so, check us out–can you tell it’s the first time we ever met in person?

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I’ve figured out things about me a long time ago that I just know and live with.

See, I’m a decent enough person. I care about other people, and I care about trying to do the right things. I work hard every day at striving to be a better person, but some things probably won’t ever change.

I’m the type of guy who has a lot of friends / acquaintances, but I don’t really have a lot of close friends. Best friends, even. Even growing up, it was kind of always the same, but it was okay. I was a little odd, different, nerdy–whatever you want to call it. I could have friends come and go and maybe there was a sense of loss, but at the end of it all if I had a good book to read, an Atari or computer or whatever else there was to occupy me, I didn’t really care.

I never got deeply into sports, and I fake it enough to like the Cubs these days. I read the news often, so I can keep up enough to be socially sportfully aware. I just don’t care. I don’t dislike sports, but they’re not important enough to me to memorize the stats of this player or that.

I’m easy to talk to, but at the same time, I can be difficult to carry conversations with; I’m inquisitive and I try to find common ground, but there’s always some simple barrier of lack-of-interest that makes it easy enough for me to be different enough to dissipate that common ground.

I’m cool with that, too. I used to dwell on it, suffer over it, etc. but life just keeps on moving and I find new things to get interested in and to learn and to make me more of who I am.

These things are me.

But something else has happened, too. Sydney came into the world a little over 2 and a half years ago and I did not know what to do. I wanted to be so madly in love with her that when I had to hold her all by myself for the first hour of her life and the deep feelings did not strike and the fireworks did not go off… Well, I wondered about who I am.

My foundation was rattled.

I cared. I deeply wanted to do the right things. I struggled.

And all I know is that now, some 2 and a half years later when I’m sitting alone in the dark on my deck with the outside speakers easing out The Fray’s “How To Save A Life” and just doing nothing other than enjoying the great weather, the view of my house from the outside looking in and the general “moment” of it all, I realize that even thinking about another person (Sydney) can cause me to get to the verge of tears.

In fact, any simple, touching family moment on television can bring tears to my eyes. I’m possibly the biggest wuss on the planet, but I’m fixated here.

Somehow, out of the blue, something snuck up on me and tackled me so hard that it left me stunned and not even knowing it had happened.

People have always come and gone, but I cannot live without this person in my life.

There has always been something for me to do, but I’d sacrifice anything for 5 minutes of me begging for one more kiss.

I’m a little odd, yet somehow there’s a tiny person who just does not give a shit and just wants to sit next to her daddy on the couch and stick her fork into his mashed potatoes and corn mix in the Banquet dinner that I eat for lunch and tell me just how good it is.

She even can have the last bite.

My favorite things mean so much to me that I want her to have them more than I want them. The first and last drink of a delicious beverage. The last few kernels of Garrett’s Cheese corn or Caramel corn from downtown Chicago while it’s still warm will always be hers to have.

Dammit, I cannot even type any of this without welling up. I’ve never thought myself capable of feeling this good, proud, and like a bawling little bitch all at the same time.

Someday, I’m sure she’s going to hit an awkard age. The age where daddy is now “Russ” or “You” or something far less pleasant. I’m sure that I’m going to become persona non grata for some term in her life and I’m sure that she’ll not be able to comprehend just how much she’ll break my heart until she can experience these same feelings for herself–when she has a child.

But, it’s okay.

My heart is definitely hers to break.

When Nicolle picked up Sydney from our babysitter’s house tonight, Sydney was chewing a piece of gum.

Our babysitter–doing the whole “I guess I’d better be a good babysitter (and she is a GREAT babysitter) thing”–told Sydney:

“Make sure you tell mommy when you’re done with your gum…”

Sydney, of course, smiled and said, “Okay!”.

Then, she proceeded to swallow it.

Whole.

One giant 2.5 year old gulp.
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I fell asleep on the couch tonight–was up late last night really trying to get a leg up on the documentation that I need to create at work.

Anyway, I woke up to the sounds of Sydney coughing…non-stop.

I’d never quite heard her cough like this one and it’s been quite awhile since she was sick at all, so this really, truly freaked me out and I bolted upstairs to find Nicolle in her room, holding her, soothing her, talking softly to her.

I’m pretty sure we were both freaked out by this. In the end, I doubt it’s much more than allergies, but during those moments… those minutes…
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